Re-Publishing my Poetry Book

as long i’ve allowed
the world to direct me
i’ve never truly heard
myself speaking

i’m afraid to be bold
to wander alone
to defy the stories
that teach me to HATE ME

i’m afraid to
show myself
compassion,
to love myself

i believe loving myself
is SELFISH
wrapped in sin and
VANITY

how fucking heartbreaking

no wonder i’m miserable
no wonder i’m angry

i’m not fighting against them
i’m fighting against me

From “Unraveling: Diary of a Healing Soul” pg. 32–33, 2020

Excerpt from the book “Unraveling: Diary of a Healing Soul” by Samantha Burgett.

Author’s Note

It’s time to bring one of my books back to life, and this poem represents what started it all. The (very) short story is that I was unhappy, suffering from PTSD, crippling anxiety, nightmares, and other lingering side effects from traumatic experiences. As a young mother, I couldn’t take it anymore and was desperate for relief—I wanted to discover a stronger version of myself for my children. Thus began an intense self-exploration mission.

My goal was to face head-on the events of my past that were causing me pain. From a sexually and emotionally abusive relationship, to simply challenging what I believed and why I believed it, to learning to honestly acknowledge my own role in my pain, I tried my best to sit with the discomfort and lean into the feelings. And I wrote. A lot.

Poetry saved me. It gave a voice to parts of myself I was too ashamed, too afraid, and too angry to face. In the years since, I’ve been on the mend and tying loose ends and getting to know life without the weight of the past. But in those early days, I’d grab a pen and just channel the feelings into words, leaving no room for edits or thought. Just pure, raw vulnerability with myself, which was oftentimes an excruciating process! But I found stillness on the other side of the rage and pain, which left room for curiosity, which led me to today.

I’ll share more on the revival of my handwritten book, “Unraveling: Diary of a Healing Soul” over the coming weeks. I’ve softly re-launched the book and you can find it available here!