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“My Chaos”

My messy, artistic desk.

Ohhhh, I’m surround by chaos

Pastel dust settles in my lungs

There are rocks on the floor

Tiptoe ‘round the lenses

Inspiration’s casualties

My soul’s unrelenting clutter

The novel grows letter by letter

So slow, so very slow

I nourish it, give it love

One day I’ll hold her in my hand

I’ll give myself a year or two, maybe four

My list is longer than the man with the red coat’s

And my children, bless their sweet, sticky souls

They dance down hallways

Whelp like puppies

Feed me! Walk me! Toss me the ball!

Sometimes I drop everything

Forget the homemaker’s responsibilities

Fly down slides

Two giddy babes at my side

Overwhelm constrains me

When I play the game someone else taught me

Do this, do that

Be neat, be tidy

Organization

Rebuke procrastination

So sometimes I drown

The comparisons are so loud

Who am I really?

Why the unconventional road?

Then a keyboard’s clicking symphony

A twinkling gem in morning light

A giggle from down the hall

I’m reminded the beauty of an artist’s flow

And the chaos that fuels me

16 Comments

  • Pooja G
    August 24, 2023 at 8:34 am

    For whatever reason, chaos seems to tag along with art of any kind. And it’s not always a bad thing haha!

    Reply
    • Ana Daksina
      August 24, 2023 at 11:34 am

      Well said. I’ve spent a lifetime wondering why, in my active artistic phases, serious trouble seems to dog my every footstep ~ in my fallow years, not so much. Shadows following the light, I think.

      Reply
      • Samantha Burgett
        August 30, 2023 at 2:29 pm

        Wonderfully put and an observation I can relate to. Thank you for your thoughts, Ana!

    • Samantha Burgett
      August 30, 2023 at 2:25 pm

      That does seem to be the case, doesn’t it? Haha! I’m starting to not mind so much and am trying to embrace it. I think you’re right—it doesn’t have to be a bad thing!

      Reply
      • Ana Daksina
        August 30, 2023 at 2:46 pm

        Oh, I’m about ready for it to stop. Everything in balance. Enough is enough. I could write for seven lifetimes on this amount of conflict.

      • Samantha Burgett
        August 30, 2023 at 2:48 pm

        Well in that case, I do wish you a more peaceful chapter of life ahead! ♡

      • Ana Daksina
        August 30, 2023 at 3:29 pm

        THANK you! 🤗

      • Pooja G
        August 30, 2023 at 5:01 pm

        Exactly, use it to your advantage!

  • willedare
    August 24, 2023 at 8:50 am

    I agree. Some of us like/need to have piles of projects-in-process on our desks and shelves…

    Reply
    • Samantha Burgett
      August 30, 2023 at 2:33 pm

      There’s always a project to turn to when inspiration stalls on the current one…that’s my kind of workflow!

      Reply
  • Michele Lee
    August 24, 2023 at 8:04 pm

    You’ve transformed chaos into beautiful artistry and an understanding of the time and patience required to create that art. This poem is gorgeous! Would be a good one to return to from time to time as you continue to make progress. ✨

    Reply
    • Samantha Burgett
      August 30, 2023 at 2:44 pm

      A few days ago I sat with family and felt a little down after hearing about their “grownup jobs” (I’m super proud of them and excited alongside them! But I do sometimes leave those conversations feeling a bit behind in my own life.) I read your comment that night and did return to this poem, and let it all soak in again. Thank you for your kind words! (And unknowingly reminding me why I do what I do.) 🤍

      Reply
  • Bridgette
    August 28, 2023 at 5:12 pm

    Really gorgeous writing here and I can relate to all of it. My kids are older now and I’m making more progress with my book, but everything I do is always so slow and always includes a bit of chaos. I get jazzed about a project, go all in, and then something else calls to me. Repeat. 🙂

    Reply
    • Samantha Burgett
      August 30, 2023 at 2:31 pm

      Ohhh I know that “all in, then pivot” routine well! 😅 Took me years to *begin* to become friends with that part of myself. Thank you for sharing your experience! Here’s to those endless works-in-progress—we’ve got this! 😁

      Reply
  • Tom
    August 30, 2023 at 3:18 pm

    You captured that artful chaos perfectly – trying to juggle so many spinning plates with artistic / family / homeowner responsibilities tugging every which way. 🙂 It’s so easy to succumb to imposter anxiety when comparing with close relatives who aren’t artists – could definitely relate to your journey here! <3

    Reply
    • Samantha Burgett
      August 30, 2023 at 9:22 pm

      Very well put Tom, and something I’d like to remember in the future! We’re all built a bit differently with different curiosities—it wouldn’t make sense for me to compare myself to someone who doesn’t operate like I do. Better to be appreciative of all the different types out there in this world, and that I get to be me (and you get to be you). Thank you for sharing your thoughts and encouragements! Have a lovely week!

      Reply

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