A season of change.
Spring has nudged me over the edge from a stage of busy rest to focused work. Busy rest—do you know the kind I mean? When you give yourself time to unwind and recharge and relax and breathe and you fall into a blissful rhythm of movies and lazing and snacking and nail painting? And out of the blue, you go to sleep each night with a touch of anxiety, anticipating the nothingness you have planned on the morrow…
And bam it hits you, like the first warm day after a long, cold winter. You’re ready to move, to cross stuff off a fresh list with that black pen with the impeccable ink flow. Too much nothingness, not enough coordinated action. Not enough feeling like a badass that goes out and gets their dreams.
That’s how I’m feeling.
Once I recognize why I’m feeling unsettled, the anxiety melts away. I’ve seen this cycle repeat enough times now to try to soften into this exchange. Sometimes I need rest, and sometimes I need late nights pounding away at my keyboard. I know that in a few weeks I’ll likely feel a call to pull back before the burnout strikes, and thus the cycle will repeat. Rest, action. A time for inspiration, and a time for setting the wheels in motion.
I have lots of items on my list, and the green flag waves. Ready, set, go!
Exhibition – I was accepted as a featured artist for an exhibition this winter!! I’m nervous and humbled and ready to figure out exactly what to put in the show. I have a meeting with the gallery director this week, and hope that will settle some of my nerves a bit. Regardless, I’m very excited to get to work and prepare!
Mineral Shop – I’ve decided to relaunch my crystal and mineral shop! A few years ago, I ran an online shop and sold rare and unique minerals, but then the pandemic happened. We also had a wild break-in experience at the house, and it took about a year to recover my frazzled nerves and peace of mind. The time feels right to pick up where I left off, and this time my husband is joining me! This will be a big change of pace and put me back into “work mode” more than “creative mode”, but it feels right. It feels like taking hold of the pen and writing our own story. More updates to come.
Novel – Each month I get a tiny bit better at taking my novel more seriously, though some part of me is still afraid to commit fully (hence the other projects on my plate). I tend to get lost in my characters and the world I’ve created, and perhaps that’s a little too reminiscent of my mental health challenges as a child with stress-induced hallucinations. Or, maybe I’m afraid of having less time to tinker with tangible creations (like paintings and DIY things). Regardless, it’s thrilling to realize I’m truly in this now! With everything else on my schedule, I’m going to try to eliminate some distractions and establish a daily routine of sitting before my manuscript. If I write a thousand words, awesome. If I only write three words, still awesome. I simply want to firmly establish book-writing as a priority in my life and continue the momentum I’ve slowly grown.
Ebb and Flow
And so I ebb and flow out of rest and into a season of action. I’m happy for all of these changes, and for the warm summer months ahead with my little family. I’m ready to paint in the basement and write with the windows open. I can’t wait to photograph the new minerals and send them off to become heirlooms in new homes. I want to work hard in the garden and scribble poems into my journal when I’m too tired to lift the shovel. I’m ready to move.
Thank you for being here today and reading this journal entry. I hope this spring has been good to you and rejuvenated you for the summer ahead!
© 2023 Samantha Burgett
Photos: my image